April 23, 2014

hoatzinandtamaraw:

satanaeubera:

why the fuck is homer walking past outside homer’s house while homer is sat in it?

That’s the joke

Why the fucking fuck does fuck appear in fucking every other fucking sentence on fuckity fuck Tumblr for fucking no fucking reason?

Fuggity fuq fuck.

(Source: mysimpsonsblogisgreaterthanyours)

April 22, 2014

Tumblr is full of so many defensive people; if was a city, the walls would be 45 miles thick with 5 billion gun turrets.

Mailman:  “I’m the mailman.  I brought some mail.  Heeeelllooooo there sir.”

Guard:  “YOU THINK WE CAN’T GET THE MAIL FOR OURSELVES?!?!  I FIND IT OFFENSIVE YOU CAME HERE PRESUMING I CAN’T GET MY MAIL, LET ALONE THE FACT THAT YOU ADDRESSED ME NOT AS A GENDER NEUTRAL BUT A PERSONAL PRONOUN OF AN OFFENSIVE NATURE.  ARE YOU ATTEMPTING TO INSULT ME?”

Mailman:  “Noo…just want to bring you a letter from your moth-“

Guard:  “MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME I NEEDED A HAIRCUT.  DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT AFFECTS MY ABILITY TO SUCCEED AT COLLEGE???  I DO MY PAPER AND ALL I THINK ABOUT IS HAIR.  PTSD, YOU ARE SICK AND YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.”

Mailman:  “Uh, I don’t know your mother…please don’t hurt m-“

Guard:  “HOW DARE YOU!  HOW DARE YOU ASSUME I WOULD HURT YOU MERELY BECAUSE I AM MOUNTED ON A TURRET.  HOW DARE YOU!”

Mailman:  “But you’re pointing that gun at m-“

Guard:  “SO YOU’RE JUST GOING TO ASSUME THAT BECAUSE I’M POINTING THIS GUN AT YOU THAT I KILL PEOPLE?  I’M SO FULL OF ANXIETY NOW TODAY BECAUSE OF YOU - THANKS A LOT!  MY DAY WAS GOING FINE UNTIL I HAD TO SOCIALLY INTERACT WITH YOU RELATIVELY SPONTANEOUSLY.  I’M SO STRESSED OUT NOW.”

Mailman:  “Maybe you should just get down from the gun…and open the gate so I can deliver this mai-“

*Gun begins to fire and mailman gets blown to pieces*

Guard:  “UGH NOW I’M PISSED BECAUSE I HAD TO KILL THAT GUY.  UGH.”

April 22, 2014

actualucifer:

AND DON’T

FUCKING

TELL PEOPLE

THAT THEY’RE NOT TRYING

BECAUSE HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW IF THEY’RE TRYING OR NOT

JUST BECAUSE IT DOESN’T LIVE UP TO YOUR STANDARDS DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE NOT TRYING

Well, a good example would be if a morbidly, dangerously, unhealthily obese person spent their days laying on the couch whilst complaining about their lack of health, pain, obesity, etc. and never attempting to remedy the situation.

Many people - seemingly especially on Tumblr for some compelling reason - are good at complaining excessively about lacking results but then - when pushed or encouraged (there are differences but both more often than not have the same principle) they get belligerent and stubborn. 

I’ve found the less I complain and the more I actually “try”, the farther I get.  I can’t remember the last time someone told me I “wasn’t trying”.  Perhaps I was too busy getting things done.

(via sincerelylalu)

April 22, 2014
Logically fallacious.  Since man cannot read the mind of an animal, the second sentence is fallacious.  It could be just as easy a pack of cheetahs on a hunt searching specifically for what they perceive to be the most fabulous antelope. 

Logically fallacious.  Since man cannot read the mind of an animal, the second sentence is fallacious.  It could be just as easy a pack of cheetahs on a hunt searching specifically for what they perceive to be the most fabulous antelope. 

(via oh-breeze)

April 21, 2014

My stomach is making those noises…sounds like felines traveling in a time machine. 

April 21, 2014

rapunzelie:

do you ever feel like there’s just so many pretty girls but most dudes are just subpar like there are radiant goddesses everywhere and just piles and piles of guys in backwards baseball caps and sandals

Which is why I like to leave the house in button-ups and khakis, I’m almost itching to suit up. 

(via hoatzinandtamaraw)

April 20, 2014

I’ve never been very good at the game
Or maybe I am
I just haven’t realized I’m playing

April 20, 2014
disneybakerdcp:

A) I LOVE SCHNAUZERS
B) THIS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS I’VE EVER SEEN

INGENIOUS.

disneybakerdcp:

A) I LOVE SCHNAUZERS

B) THIS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS I’VE EVER SEEN

INGENIOUS.

(via hoatzinandtamaraw)

April 20, 2014

This weekend was a very large cookbook of absurd social interactions.

April 20, 2014
gigaguess:

This is mildly horrifying.

gigaguess:

This is mildly horrifying.

(via hoatzinandtamaraw)

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